Sorry for the late entry this week, but I've had to spend some extra time going over the lines. As most people know, sometimes there are games that jump off the page. Unfortunately, this was not one of those weeks. Rest easy degenerates, I've still found a game I really like. Before I mention that, I want to highlight some runners-up (some call this hedging my bets, I call it making you more money).
Games I like:
Miami U at BOWLING GREEN: Under 51 - MIA. Miami's abbreviation on television and also an apt description of the RedHawks offense this year.
U Miami -3 DUKE - This is one of those games where you make Duke prove they aren't Duke anymore.
BUFFALO -11.5 Army - The Bulls are pretty good and Army is pretty dreadful.
Pittsburgh (-9.5) CINCINNATI - This feels like a sucker bet, but there's no way I could rationalize betting on a Ryan Fitzpatrick led team against Pitt
Minnesota (+3) CHICAGO -This feels like an AP day and Chicago is coming off a demoralizing loss
Enough with the undercards already. This week's lock takes us to beautiful East Lansing, MI.
Ohio St. (-3) MICHIGAN ST
The Spartans get the proud honor of switching sides in my lock of the week. Rest assured, MSU will be amped, the home crowd will be electric, and this game will be a slug fest. However, the better defense, the better run game, and the better coaching staff reside on the Buckeye sidelines. In an old fashioned (and somewhat antiquated) Big 10 battle of 3 yards and a cloud of dust, I like OSU's combo of Pryor and Wells to make enough plays to get past the human bowling ball (Javon Ringer). Let us not forget in the wake of OSU's humiliation in LA-LA land just how much talent the Buck Nuts have. This is a team that is dominant in conference, has two true difference makers on offense, a solid coach (in Big 10 games at least) and a defense littered with first day draft picks. While my heart is always anti-Buckeye, my head is very pro-Buckeye this weekend.
Predicted Score:
Ohio State 28 Michigan St. 17
Phil's LPLOTW to date:
1-0
Friday, October 17, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
True. Good point...
Found this at the bottom of Bill Simmon's mail bag:
Q: Shouldn't Elizabeth Perkins have faced statutory rape charges in "Big"?
-- Chuck D., Clifton Park, N.Y.
SG: Absolutely. The rules are explicit here -- if you have consensual sexual relations with anyone not legally old enough to consent to such behavior, it's statutory rape regardless of whether they turned themselves into an adult by making a wish to a Zoltar machine. Perkins' character worked with Josh Baskin (the Tom Hanks character) in New York City when the age of consent was 15 years old. Well, Baskin was only 13 at the time. So there you go.
Q: Shouldn't Elizabeth Perkins have faced statutory rape charges in "Big"?
-- Chuck D., Clifton Park, N.Y.
SG: Absolutely. The rules are explicit here -- if you have consensual sexual relations with anyone not legally old enough to consent to such behavior, it's statutory rape regardless of whether they turned themselves into an adult by making a wish to a Zoltar machine. Perkins' character worked with Josh Baskin (the Tom Hanks character) in New York City when the age of consent was 15 years old. Well, Baskin was only 13 at the time. So there you go.
Monday, October 13, 2008
Speaking of —
As has been stated by both myself and my contemporary E-on, politics has no place inside the Norwood House. But this one was too good to pass up. The man who precipitated the shot clock has made an endorsement. Dean Smith!
Appropriate, since Obama's trying to play a little four corners himself right now.
Possibly the biggest M.O.E. of all time...
Check out what was written in the Op-Ed section of the NY Times this morning. I apoligize for the politics of it (as the Norwood House has no specific political adjenda), but it was too good to pass up.
This one is for you Magister (who is probably watching "First Knight" somewhere at this very moment):
"In high school, I translated swatches of Julius Caesar’s “The Battle for Gaul” from Latin to English while nibbling cheese crackers. To boost the felicitous new trend toward Latin, I enlisted Gary D. Farney, an associate professor of history at Rutgers University, to translate (loosely and creatively) from English to Latin “The Battle of Gall,” my take below on why the hyperventilating Republicans are not veni, vidi, vici-ing.
___________________________________________________
Bellum Gallium
Manes Julii Caesaris paucis diebus aderant — “O, most bloody sight!” — cum Ioannes McCainus, mavericus et veteranus captivusque Belli Francoindosinini, et Sara Palina, barracuda borealis, qui sneerare amant Baracum Obamam causa oratorii, pillorant ut demagogi veri, Africanum-Americanum senatorem Terrae Lincolni, ad Republicanas rallias.
Rabidi subcanes candidati, pretendant “no orator as Brutis is,” ut “stir men’s blood” et disturbant mentes populi ad “a sudden flood of mutiny,” ut Wilhelmus Shakespearus scripsit.
Cum Quirites Americani ad rallias Republicanas audiunt nomen Baraci Husseini Obamae, clamant “Mortem!” “Amator terroris!” “Socialiste!” “Bomba Obamam!” “Obama est Arabus!” “Caput excidi!” tempus sit rabble-rouseribus desistere “Smear Talk Express,” ut Stephanus Colbertus dixit. Obama demonatus est tamquam Musulmanus-Manchurianus candidatus — civis “collo-cerviciliaris” ad ralliam Floridianam Palinae exhabet mascum Obamae ut Luciferis.
Obama non queretur high-tech lynching. Sed secreto-serventes agentes nervosissmi sunt.
Vix quisque audivit nomen “Palinae” ante lunibus paucis. Surgivit ex suo tanning bed ad silvas in Terram Eskimorum, rogans quis sit traitorosus, ominosus, scurrilosus, periculosus amator LXs terroris criminalisque Chicagoani? Tu betchus!
“Caeca ambitio Obamana,” novum rumorem Palina McCainusque dixit. “Cum utilis, Obama laborat cum amatore terroris Wilhelmo Ayro. Cum putatus, perjuravit.” McCainianus bossus maximus Francus Keatinx vocat Obamam, “plebeium,” et ut iuvenum snifferendum cocaini minimi (“a little blow.”)
Cum Primus Dudus, spousus Palinanus, culpari attemptaret “Centurionem-Gate,” judices Terrae Santae Elvorumque castigat gubernatricem Palinam de abusu auctoritatis per familiam revengendum.
Tamen Sara et Ioannes bury Obama, not praise him. Maverici, ut capiunt auxilium de friga-domina, hench-femina, Cynthia McCaina Birrabaronessa, (quae culpat Obamam periculandi suum filum in Babylonia), brazen-iter distractant mentes populares de minimissimis IV 0 I K.ibus, deminutione “Motorum Omnium,” et Depressione Magna II.0. Omnes de Georgio Busio Secundo colossale goofballo. “V” (because there’s no W. in Latin) etiam duxit per disastrum ad gymnasium.
Gubernatrix (prope Russia) Palina, spectans candidaciam MMXII, post multam educationem cum Kissingro et post multam parodiam de Sabbatis Nocte Vivo atque de Tina Feia, ferociter vituperat Obamam, ut supralupocidit (aerial shooting of wolves) in Hyperborea.
Vilmingtoni, in Ohionem, McCain’s Mean Girl (Ferox Puella) defendit se gladiatricem politicam esse: “Pauci dicant, O Jupiter, te negativam esse. Non, negativa non sum, sed verissima.” Talk about lipsticka in porcam! Quasi Leeus Atwater de oppugnatione Busii Primi ad Dukakem: “non negativus, sed comparativus.”
_________________________________________________________________
Where is Don Norvell when you really need him?
This one is for you Magister (who is probably watching "First Knight" somewhere at this very moment):
"In high school, I translated swatches of Julius Caesar’s “The Battle for Gaul” from Latin to English while nibbling cheese crackers. To boost the felicitous new trend toward Latin, I enlisted Gary D. Farney, an associate professor of history at Rutgers University, to translate (loosely and creatively) from English to Latin “The Battle of Gall,” my take below on why the hyperventilating Republicans are not veni, vidi, vici-ing.
___________________________________________________
Bellum Gallium
Manes Julii Caesaris paucis diebus aderant — “O, most bloody sight!” — cum Ioannes McCainus, mavericus et veteranus captivusque Belli Francoindosinini, et Sara Palina, barracuda borealis, qui sneerare amant Baracum Obamam causa oratorii, pillorant ut demagogi veri, Africanum-Americanum senatorem Terrae Lincolni, ad Republicanas rallias.
Rabidi subcanes candidati, pretendant “no orator as Brutis is,” ut “stir men’s blood” et disturbant mentes populi ad “a sudden flood of mutiny,” ut Wilhelmus Shakespearus scripsit.
Cum Quirites Americani ad rallias Republicanas audiunt nomen Baraci Husseini Obamae, clamant “Mortem!” “Amator terroris!” “Socialiste!” “Bomba Obamam!” “Obama est Arabus!” “Caput excidi!” tempus sit rabble-rouseribus desistere “Smear Talk Express,” ut Stephanus Colbertus dixit. Obama demonatus est tamquam Musulmanus-Manchurianus candidatus — civis “collo-cerviciliaris” ad ralliam Floridianam Palinae exhabet mascum Obamae ut Luciferis.
Obama non queretur high-tech lynching. Sed secreto-serventes agentes nervosissmi sunt.
Vix quisque audivit nomen “Palinae” ante lunibus paucis. Surgivit ex suo tanning bed ad silvas in Terram Eskimorum, rogans quis sit traitorosus, ominosus, scurrilosus, periculosus amator LXs terroris criminalisque Chicagoani? Tu betchus!
“Caeca ambitio Obamana,” novum rumorem Palina McCainusque dixit. “Cum utilis, Obama laborat cum amatore terroris Wilhelmo Ayro. Cum putatus, perjuravit.” McCainianus bossus maximus Francus Keatinx vocat Obamam, “plebeium,” et ut iuvenum snifferendum cocaini minimi (“a little blow.”)
Cum Primus Dudus, spousus Palinanus, culpari attemptaret “Centurionem-Gate,” judices Terrae Santae Elvorumque castigat gubernatricem Palinam de abusu auctoritatis per familiam revengendum.
Tamen Sara et Ioannes bury Obama, not praise him. Maverici, ut capiunt auxilium de friga-domina, hench-femina, Cynthia McCaina Birrabaronessa, (quae culpat Obamam periculandi suum filum in Babylonia), brazen-iter distractant mentes populares de minimissimis IV 0 I K.ibus, deminutione “Motorum Omnium,” et Depressione Magna II.0. Omnes de Georgio Busio Secundo colossale goofballo. “V” (because there’s no W. in Latin) etiam duxit per disastrum ad gymnasium.
Gubernatrix (prope Russia) Palina, spectans candidaciam MMXII, post multam educationem cum Kissingro et post multam parodiam de Sabbatis Nocte Vivo atque de Tina Feia, ferociter vituperat Obamam, ut supralupocidit (aerial shooting of wolves) in Hyperborea.
Vilmingtoni, in Ohionem, McCain’s Mean Girl (Ferox Puella) defendit se gladiatricem politicam esse: “Pauci dicant, O Jupiter, te negativam esse. Non, negativa non sum, sed verissima.” Talk about lipsticka in porcam! Quasi Leeus Atwater de oppugnatione Busii Primi ad Dukakem: “non negativus, sed comparativus.”
_________________________________________________________________
Where is Don Norvell when you really need him?
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Sad State of Affairs
What happened to us?
Where did we lose our way?
At what point in our lives did we abandon our principles?
When did we turn from being pure sports fans to needing something more?
I am talking about our fantasy sports leagues. They have become an embarrassment. I am almost ashamed to be the commish. This is the 3rd week in a row that I have played someone with at least 1 player on a bye or injured in the starting lineup. Hopefully I will make it my 3rd winning week to bring my overall record to 3-3, but I feel dirty, unsatisfied, dejected. Why? My fantasy football team is, in the words of Charles Barkley, terrible; and I am in the hunt for the payoffs instead of being woefully in the basement like our beloved Bungles. Everyone should be making fun of Hampton and me for drafting one of the worst fantasy teams in recent memories, but do any of us even know?
Our Fantasy Baseball season was a joke. Dave and I tied for 1st place (somehow they gave the championship to Dave even though I held all the tiebreakers) but I bet he doesn't even know. Because if he did he wouldn't have started Todd Jones during the playoffs since he was on the DL. Even worse, Chris Martin got 3rd narrowly beating Hanley, and they had a combined 3 people on the DL in their starting lineups and Hanley had an empty position for the last 10 weeks of the season.
We used to be about the thrill of the competition
We used to take satisfaction in crushing players like Moe and Tyler Martin since they knew lesss than us (Moe's Tavern is #1, no offense Dad)
We used to have multiple trades every week.
We used to nearly get into fights over the bad trades offered and accepted
we used to hold winter meetings,
we used to hold amazing contempt for people like the Cougars
We used to change our names weekly
we used to care,
we used to be men.
So I implore you, men of TNH, before our once proud Fantasy Football heritage goes the way of our fantasy baseball league we must regain our enthusiasm, our competitiveness, our manhood.
Men we must regain ourselves.
Where did we lose our way?
At what point in our lives did we abandon our principles?
When did we turn from being pure sports fans to needing something more?
I am talking about our fantasy sports leagues. They have become an embarrassment. I am almost ashamed to be the commish. This is the 3rd week in a row that I have played someone with at least 1 player on a bye or injured in the starting lineup. Hopefully I will make it my 3rd winning week to bring my overall record to 3-3, but I feel dirty, unsatisfied, dejected. Why? My fantasy football team is, in the words of Charles Barkley, terrible; and I am in the hunt for the payoffs instead of being woefully in the basement like our beloved Bungles. Everyone should be making fun of Hampton and me for drafting one of the worst fantasy teams in recent memories, but do any of us even know?
Our Fantasy Baseball season was a joke. Dave and I tied for 1st place (somehow they gave the championship to Dave even though I held all the tiebreakers) but I bet he doesn't even know. Because if he did he wouldn't have started Todd Jones during the playoffs since he was on the DL. Even worse, Chris Martin got 3rd narrowly beating Hanley, and they had a combined 3 people on the DL in their starting lineups and Hanley had an empty position for the last 10 weeks of the season.
We used to be about the thrill of the competition
We used to take satisfaction in crushing players like Moe and Tyler Martin since they knew lesss than us (Moe's Tavern is #1, no offense Dad)
We used to have multiple trades every week.
We used to nearly get into fights over the bad trades offered and accepted
we used to hold winter meetings,
we used to hold amazing contempt for people like the Cougars
We used to change our names weekly
we used to care,
we used to be men.
So I implore you, men of TNH, before our once proud Fantasy Football heritage goes the way of our fantasy baseball league we must regain our enthusiasm, our competitiveness, our manhood.
Men we must regain ourselves.
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Who Knew?
That ole Brady Quinn is a McCainiac.
I guess Brady knows a bit about supporting a cause with little shot of succeeding. He is, after all, an Irish football alum.
I guess Brady knows a bit about supporting a cause with little shot of succeeding. He is, after all, an Irish football alum.
Introducing Phil's LPLOTW
Maybe 6 weeks too late, but whatever. I love betting lines and I'm fascinated by how damn accurate they are. In that spirit, I want to start the hunt for one football line (ATS or O/U) each week, college or pro, that I shall dub my ever-original Lead Pipe Lock of the Week. Please feel free to throw your LPLOTW out as well. My goal is ideally to hit at 100% (otherwise this whole exercise becomes a bit of a misnomer), but inreality, that won't happen. Therefore, I shall state my goal at 67%. So for you degenerates, throw the same amount of money on my pick each week and I'll make your pockets a little heavier by winter's end.
Without further delay, my first lock takes us to Evanston, Ill.
Michigan St. (-1) NORTHWESTERN
I love a feel good story in the land of BCS, and make no mistake, the NW story is excellent. However, they have been getting it done with a little bit of smoke and mirrors (and a pretty bad schedule). They come in ranked in the Top 25. Ranked also are the Spartans of East Lansing, coming in riding a 4 game winning streak after an opening season loss at Cal.
Why I like the Spartans?
In a word, their physicality (is that a word?) They have a tough defense, a tough running game, and they are far more battle tested than NW. I think this line is a bit low based on MSU's struggles with Iowa last week (one common opponent), but if anything it should serve as a motivator for the Big 10's 3rd (sorry Wisconsin) best team. Look for the run game to find enough holes and the defense to make enough big plays to squash the Wildcats' dreams of 1995.
Prediction:
Michigan State 27
Northwestern 21
Phil's LPLOTW:
0-0
Without further delay, my first lock takes us to Evanston, Ill.
Michigan St. (-1) NORTHWESTERN
I love a feel good story in the land of BCS, and make no mistake, the NW story is excellent. However, they have been getting it done with a little bit of smoke and mirrors (and a pretty bad schedule). They come in ranked in the Top 25. Ranked also are the Spartans of East Lansing, coming in riding a 4 game winning streak after an opening season loss at Cal.
Why I like the Spartans?
In a word, their physicality (is that a word?) They have a tough defense, a tough running game, and they are far more battle tested than NW. I think this line is a bit low based on MSU's struggles with Iowa last week (one common opponent), but if anything it should serve as a motivator for the Big 10's 3rd (sorry Wisconsin) best team. Look for the run game to find enough holes and the defense to make enough big plays to squash the Wildcats' dreams of 1995.
Prediction:
Michigan State 27
Northwestern 21
Phil's LPLOTW:
0-0
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