Beaten, Bloodied T.J. Houshmandzadeh Hoping Obama Closes Gitmo Soon

These people are geniuses.

On Sunday the questioning sessions began again, culminating in interrogators informing him that his team had beaten the Kansas City Chiefs 16-6 and subjecting Houshmandzadeh to a "celebratory" Gatoradeboarding.

Chad 1, NFL 0.

So, according to some published reports, 85 is now Chad Ocho Cinco, nee Johnson.

According to Miami radio station 790 The Ticket, which is in Johnson's hometown, the receiver has legally changed his last name to "Ocho Cinco." Johnson's -- sorry -- Ocho Cinco's reported name change has been rumored in NFL circles for weeks, and according to the station today, it's official.

Personally, his antics have grown stale if he can't hold onto the ball on a downfield pass, but I still think this is hilarious.
I just can't wait to see how the broadcasters deal with this. It won't be fall to me until I hear Phil Simms or Greg Gumbel say "Ocho Cinco gets both feet down in the corner of the endzone!"

So, it won't be fall this year until mid-November, probably.

UPDATE: Here's a link to Chad's new Wikipedia page. Brilliant

Uh Oh.

"I cannot stand the Buckeyes. ... It's amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there."

D'oh!
So who's the face of the team now? Nobody can stand 85, Carson has maligned the Bucks and T.J. is a secret muslim (he was educated in an Indonesian madrassa! That may have been someone else).

Run, that knee's got to feel better by now, boy, run!

Do we think this is all that damaging? I think it is if they keep losing.

The Game

With all apologies to the upcoming Battle of Ohio, the biggest game left on the Bengals schedule has to be the season finale in South Florida versus the winless Miami Dolphins. Allow me to look ahead for one moment and predict two more losses for the Fins, a desperate loss to the hapless Ravens and a massacre in Foxboro to the juggernaut Patriots.

Assuming both those games, the Bengals will travel to South Beach for a December 30th game against the 0-15 Dolphins, trying to 'perfect' the first winless season since the 0-14 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers.

As a Bengals fan, you've got to be worried.

Who's to say that the Bengals, having been out of the playoff picture since Thanksgiving, wont just punt the game away? Here's hoping that the Bengals play the game as their own SuperBowl, and make it their season goal to bury the Dolphins into football immortality.

How Hot is that Seat, Exactly?

On the heels of the news from ProFootballTalk's Mike Florio that Ocho Cinco wants out at the end of the season, one must wonder exactly what Marvin Lewis has to do to get on the hot seat with Bengals management. From a sports gambling website, I looked at the odds of who will be the first coach fired. Surprisingly, Marvin was not in the top ten! I know that Cincinnati is in a glee considering that we have become the first city in American sporting history to have an African-American MLB manager and NFL head coach at the same time, but that situation cannot trump performance.

Marvin, brought in as a defensive guru, leads the third-worst defense in the entire NFL. The offense, which he is remarkably hands-off, has thrived. Yet he doesn't endure the same criticism that he may deserve because of his affable relationship with the local business, religious leaders and press.

"My job is to get the junior college guys to act like they've gone to Notre Dame and Michigan," Lewis said. "As we go, we'll continue to get more of those stable guys. But unfortunately, that's what we're dealing with -- a bunch of junior college guys."

Hmm.. you know what that sounds like? What's that expression that is often bantered around immoral and failing college programs? Oh yeah... Lack of Institutional Control.

Marvin, the bloom is off the rose. Start coaching like your job's on the line. We can all only hope that it is.