I Don't Care

I don't care if Michael Vick didn't really throw balls out of the stadium or if LeBron didn't nail 85 footers with regularity or if Kobe didn't jump over that car...




This is freaking sweet. It looks so realistic, though I'm sure Ham or Eon will claim they could put this together with 30 minutes on Apple's Final Cut Pro.

Give props to Reebok for a fantastic viral marketing campaign.

A Critical Analysis

Gentlemen,

Late summer is once again upon us. Dog days of heat, humidity, and the ad nauseum triviality of sportswriters at training camp lead each of us to marvel that snow and ice ever existed, or might ever exist again. And thus the time of Fantasy Football is neigh. As this pre-autumnal occasion looms, each one of us is confronted with the Herculean task of choosing a moniker for his respective squad. Sure, we'd like to say that we fill that little box with whatever passing fancy brilliantly streaks across our consciousness in the spur of that moment. But that would be a lie.

For within every player spins a frantic machine; quietly, doggedly attempting the evasive calculus that seems to whisper..."Well, even if I finish seventh, at least my team's name was thoughtful, whimsical, and offered an irrefutable glimpse of my rapier wit. At least I'll have that."

And so, in a way, in a very small way, the Fantasy Football champion is crowned even before the draft order is set.

So let's take a look back, into the storied annals of Mariemont Fantasy Football Team Names, to find the ultimate champion whose name shall echo forever across the infinite span of the internet.

Firstly, a short analysis of team names from the 2002-2007 seasons.

Of the 40 names chosen since 2002:

• 12.5% were some form of inside joke (e.g. "The Boxcar Children", Frank 2002 or "D.O.L.O., Anderson 2005)
  
• 20% reference some kind of timely pop culture reference or were generally topical (eg. "Bad Newz Kennels", Badanes 2007)
• 20% related to the geographical location of the player (e.g. "Hampshire 23-Skidoo", Hampton 2002 or "Lucky in Kentucky" Frank, 2005)
• 22.5% lent support of one kind or another to a specific team (e.g. "In Marvin I Trust", Landes 2005 or "Quinn to Samardzjia", Hanley 2006)
• 30% seemed to fit no sort of trend, or follow any logic know to me ("Ridge's Code Red Zone", Badanes 2004 or "Chargin Chargers", Anderson 2003)

Some names even managed to span two discreet categories (e.g. "WM Bungals", Hanley 2002 or "Norfolk Mudbloods", Martin 2005).

It should be noted that there seems to be no statistical trend between team names and team success. However, longer seems to be better as the eventual champion since 2002 has contained at least 14 letters 4 out of 6 times.

With that fundamental understanding in mind, let us move on to the award for BEST FANTASY FOOTBALL NAME OF THE 21st CENTURY.

2nd RUNNER UP is........... "The Boxcar Children", Frank 2002

Analysis: I picked this name not because of it's connection to Roger Maris Jr's home in St. Augustine, but because I actually drafted this team to coincide with the strengths and weaknesses of each Boxcar Child. For example Tiki Barber was Henry Alden, oldest of the Boxcar Children and their leader. Violet Alden was represented in the Miami defense, because I envisioned them as pre-pubescent girls.

1 st RUNNER UP is..............."Reception No Shows", Martin 2007

Analysis: Clearly it took Chris a while to figure out how to squeeze his most infamous moment into the allowable letter allotment. "Groom - Appendix = Unforgettable Evening"?...nope. "Lower Gastro-Intestinal Inflamation"?....uh uh. Thanks for taking the time on the bridge to get this one right Chris, even if it briefly endanger a multi-billion dollar piece of taxpayer hardware!

The ULTIMATE CHAMPION is........... "Mom's Basement", Hanley 2008

Analysis: This stroke of pure genius operates on so many gently shaded intellectual levels. It truly warms the cockles and sub-cockles of my heart. Here's why:

• First, there is the subtle nod to the class act "Mo's Tavern", winner of the first ever Iron Horse Award for Continuous and Contiguous Service
• Second, it conjures up a wonderful image. Michael in his fortress of solitude, precisely equidistant from both the Bell Tower and Wendy's.
• At finally, there is the blatant self-deprecation that worked so well for Chris Martin in the past (" ShortDoggs", 2002 and "American Not Idol", 2004). But how it has been taken to a new and spectacular level.

I tip my up-turned finger tips at the poker table of your genius. Well played, sir. Well played.

As a parting thought, here are my predictions based entirely on the trends of the past for the 2009 season's names:

Mikey: howiwishtheybrokethecurse
Flip: Ned Ryerson?!?!
Phil: "Uncy Phil"
Dave: (Insert headline from cnn.com)
Hampton: The Q-Chron-ic
Martin: Skyline Time (sung with open palm split extension)
Ian: Tony Award Winner

Night fellas.

The Windy City

As I was in Chicago for a conference, I decided to take in a baseball game at the Friendly Confines. Finding great seats and a pair of Old Styles, a colleague and I sat in for a perfect summer evening contest. I called E-on, and he warned, "Hey, you might want to watch out, there's a bad storm arriving in an hour." Literally 59 minutes later, the grounds crew came out and covered the field. What happens next was legendary. Universally agreed as the worst storm to hit Wrigley since Lucky Charlie Weegham broke ground on the park in February 1914. Enjoy the above video for a taste of the terror.

Brett Favre is a Giant Douche

Seriously, it is one thing to be that guy who holds on too long and eventually has to go play for the Chiefs or Tampa Bay, but what Brett Favre is doing is completely rediculous. If you retire, retire. If you want to keep playing, keep playing. But if you don't know what you want to do, wait until the off season is well underway before making an announcement. The number of athletes who retire after the season, but then after an offseason to recover and watching all the guys start to return to camp they can't stay away. I understand that it is tough to let go, I still play soccer and have been known to get in some verbal spats, but to flip flop so much is crazy.

The worst part of this whole thing is Favre has the potential to screw over the Packers for the forseeable future just one season after he made them into a young contender poised to be a great team for years to come. How? If he actually plays he will probably win the starting job, because right now he is actually the best QB. But next year he will really be done, and retire into the night and leave the Pack High and dry.

Aaron Rodgers is in he last year of his deal and the Packers will have to pay a pretty high price for a QB who has never played, or he will leave because he feels betrayed after all the false starting opportunities. They will go directly from having 2 good options to 0 good options and end up like the Bears.

Another possibility is that Favre and the Pack play so well that all the young talent have false numbers in another big year because of Favre's added production. So when he leaves and all those young players clamor for a big deal (I'm looking at you Ryan Grabt) the Packers will not be able to afford them and they will lose their new players.

I love Favre, but its time to move on, and every day this whole thing goes on he loses just a little more of his luster.

Fantasy Football

After a poor attempt at fantasy baseball this season (other than a select few) we all need to rededicate ourselves to fantasy football. Dav I expect Dave's fantasy pickem to be back in full force and for our season to be even more exciting and unpredictable than Bret Favre's text messages!

so here is the login info:

yahoo fantasy sports

League ID#: 273750
Password: mariemont

I have sent invitations to Ian, Phil, Dave, Mike, Martin, Myself, Moester, TQ, Lynch, and Hampton. If you think anyone else should be in the game reply to this post and I will make sure they get the info.

Who Dey

Uh Oh.

"I cannot stand the Buckeyes. ... It's amazing to hear what those guys think about that university and what they think about that football program and Tressel and all the crap I gotta put up with being back there."

D'oh!
So who's the face of the team now? Nobody can stand 85, Carson has maligned the Bucks and T.J. is a secret muslim (he was educated in an Indonesian madrassa! That may have been someone else).

Run, that knee's got to feel better by now, boy, run!

Do we think this is all that damaging? I think it is if they keep losing.

Flip Stickin' It

Flip goes pin seeking at the Pit.