I don't care if Michael Vick didn't really throw balls out of the stadium or if LeBron didn't nail 85 footers with regularity or if Kobe didn't jump over that car...
This is freaking sweet. It looks so realistic, though I'm sure Ham or Eon will claim they could put this together with 30 minutes on Apple's Final Cut Pro.
Give props to Reebok for a fantastic viral marketing campaign.
Friday, August 15, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
A Critical Analysis
Gentlemen,
Late summer is once again upon us. Dog days of heat, humidity, and the ad nauseum triviality of sportswriters at training camp lead each of us to marvel that snow and ice ever existed, or might ever exist again. And thus the time of Fantasy Football is neigh. As this pre-autumnal occasion looms, each one of us is confronted with the Herculean task of choosing a moniker for his respective squad. Sure, we'd like to say that we fill that little box with whatever passing fancy brilliantly streaks across our consciousness in the spur of that moment. But that would be a lie.
For within every player spins a frantic machine; quietly, doggedly attempting the evasive calculus that seems to whisper..."Well, even if I finish seventh, at least my team's name was thoughtful, whimsical, and offered an irrefutable glimpse of my rapier wit. At least I'll have that."
And so, in a way, in a very small way, the Fantasy Football champion is crowned even before the draft order is set.
So let's take a look back, into the storied annals of Mariemont Fantasy Football Team Names, to find the ultimate champion whose name shall echo forever across the infinite span of the internet.
Firstly, a short analysis of team names from the 2002-2007 seasons.
Of the 40 names chosen since 2002:
It should be noted that there seems to be no statistical trend between team names and team success. However, longer seems to be better as the eventual champion since 2002 has contained at least 14 letters 4 out of 6 times.
With that fundamental understanding in mind, let us move on to the award for BEST FANTASY FOOTBALL NAME OF THE 21st CENTURY.
2nd RUNNER UP is........... "The Boxcar Children", Frank 2002
Analysis: I picked this name not because of it's connection to Roger Maris Jr's home in St. Augustine, but because I actually drafted this team to coincide with the strengths and weaknesses of each Boxcar Child. For example Tiki Barber was Henry Alden, oldest of the Boxcar Children and their leader. Violet Alden was represented in the Miami defense, because I envisioned them as pre-pubescent girls.
1 st RUNNER UP is..............."Reception No Shows", Martin 2007
Analysis: Clearly it took Chris a while to figure out how to squeeze his most infamous moment into the allowable letter allotment. "Groom - Appendix = Unforgettable Evening"?...nope. "Lower Gastro-Intestinal Inflamation"?....uh uh. Thanks for taking the time on the bridge to get this one right Chris, even if it briefly endanger a multi-billion dollar piece of taxpayer hardware!
The ULTIMATE CHAMPION is........... "Mom's Basement", Hanley 2008
Analysis: This stroke of pure genius operates on so many gently shaded intellectual levels. It truly warms the cockles and sub-cockles of my heart. Here's why:
As a parting thought, here are my predictions based entirely on the trends of the past for the 2009 season's names:
Mikey: howiwishtheybrokethecurse
Flip: Ned Ryerson?!?!
Phil: "Uncy Phil"
Dave: (Insert headline from cnn.com)
Hampton: The Q-Chron-ic
Martin: Skyline Time (sung with open palm split extension)
Ian: Tony Award Winner
Night fellas.
Late summer is once again upon us. Dog days of heat, humidity, and the ad nauseum triviality of sportswriters at training camp lead each of us to marvel that snow and ice ever existed, or might ever exist again. And thus the time of Fantasy Football is neigh. As this pre-autumnal occasion looms, each one of us is confronted with the Herculean task of choosing a moniker for his respective squad. Sure, we'd like to say that we fill that little box with whatever passing fancy brilliantly streaks across our consciousness in the spur of that moment. But that would be a lie.
For within every player spins a frantic machine; quietly, doggedly attempting the evasive calculus that seems to whisper..."Well, even if I finish seventh, at least my team's name was thoughtful, whimsical, and offered an irrefutable glimpse of my rapier wit. At least I'll have that."
And so, in a way, in a very small way, the Fantasy Football champion is crowned even before the draft order is set.
So let's take a look back, into the storied annals of Mariemont Fantasy Football Team Names, to find the ultimate champion whose name shall echo forever across the infinite span of the internet.
Firstly, a short analysis of team names from the 2002-2007 seasons.
Of the 40 names chosen since 2002:
- 12.5% were some form of inside joke (e.g. "The Boxcar Children", Frank 2002 or "D.O.L.O., Anderson 2005)
- 20% reference some kind of timely pop culture reference or were generally topical (eg. "Bad Newz Kennels", Badanes 2007)
- 20% related to the geographical location of the player (e.g. "Hampshire 23-Skidoo", Hampton 2002 or "Lucky in Kentucky" Frank, 2005)
- 22.5% lent support of one kind or another to a specific team (e.g. "In Marvin I Trust", Landes 2005 or "Quinn to Samardzjia", Hanley 2006)
- 30% seemed to fit no sort of trend, or follow any logic know to me ("Ridge's Code Red Zone", Badanes 2004 or "Chargin Chargers", Anderson 2003)
It should be noted that there seems to be no statistical trend between team names and team success. However, longer seems to be better as the eventual champion since 2002 has contained at least 14 letters 4 out of 6 times.
With that fundamental understanding in mind, let us move on to the award for BEST FANTASY FOOTBALL NAME OF THE 21st CENTURY.
2nd RUNNER UP is........... "The Boxcar Children", Frank 2002
Analysis: I picked this name not because of it's connection to Roger Maris Jr's home in St. Augustine, but because I actually drafted this team to coincide with the strengths and weaknesses of each Boxcar Child. For example Tiki Barber was Henry Alden, oldest of the Boxcar Children and their leader. Violet Alden was represented in the Miami defense, because I envisioned them as pre-pubescent girls.
1 st RUNNER UP is..............."Reception No Shows", Martin 2007
Analysis: Clearly it took Chris a while to figure out how to squeeze his most infamous moment into the allowable letter allotment. "Groom - Appendix = Unforgettable Evening"?...nope. "Lower Gastro-Intestinal Inflamation"?....uh uh. Thanks for taking the time on the bridge to get this one right Chris, even if it briefly endanger a multi-billion dollar piece of taxpayer hardware!
The ULTIMATE CHAMPION is........... "Mom's Basement", Hanley 2008
Analysis: This stroke of pure genius operates on so many gently shaded intellectual levels. It truly warms the cockles and sub-cockles of my heart. Here's why:
- First, there is the subtle nod to the class act "Mo's Tavern", winner of the first ever Iron Horse Award for Continuous and Contiguous Service
- Second, it conjures up a wonderful image. Michael in his fortress of solitude, precisely equidistant from both the Bell Tower and Wendy's.
- At finally, there is the blatant self-deprecation that worked so well for Chris Martin in the past (" ShortDoggs", 2002 and "American Not Idol", 2004). But how it has been taken to a new and spectacular level.
As a parting thought, here are my predictions based entirely on the trends of the past for the 2009 season's names:
Mikey: howiwishtheybrokethecurse
Flip: Ned Ryerson?!?!
Phil: "Uncy Phil"
Dave: (Insert headline from cnn.com)
Hampton: The Q-Chron-ic
Martin: Skyline Time (sung with open palm split extension)
Ian: Tony Award Winner
Night fellas.
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