Gentlemen,
I officially want to apologize to you all. No, not for T-flowing my Pick'em record...we all know my prowess in the field of mathematics (and yes, I include simple addition in that). But rather for starting an email crap-storm. Trash talk should be regulated to this blog instead of clogging up our inboxes.
In that spirit, I want to get the ball rolling. I present to you a short dramatic scene:
Mr. Bengalsfan enters. He is dressed in a 1988 AFC Championship shirt which is now obviously too small for him. There are many small stains on it from all the dried tears (some of which may actually be the long left over remains of a 4-way bean). Mr. Bengalsfan carries on his shoulders the weight of over ambitious expectations, unfulfilled delusions of grandeur, and Marvin Lewis' remaining contract.
Mr. Bengalsfan (half- heartedly): Who dey? Who dey think gon' beat dem Begnals!? Who dey?
He repeats this over and over, perhaps trying to convince himself of something.
Mr. Steelersfan enters. He is a suave, educated, man of the world with rugged good looks and fantastic taste. He moves and smiles easily, with a manner befitting a FIVE TIME world champion. He knows that everyone secretly respects the hell out of him, but perhaps can't say it for fear of betraying their hometown loyalties.
Mr. Steelersfan (seeing Mr. Bengalsfan): Oh...hello. Ummm...can I help you? You look rather lost. Can I give you some spare change to buy a cup of coffee...or perhaps a linebacker who'd rather pick up a sack than another DUI.
Mr Bengalsfan: Who dey? Who dey think gon' beat dem Begnals!?
Mr. Steelersfan: I'm...sorry...I don't quite understand. Are you?...Is that English?
Mr. Bengalsfan: Who dey think gon' beat dem Begnals!?
Mr. Steelersfan: Oh...I think I understand. Ummm...Cleveland?
Mr. Bengalsfan: .....
Mr. Steelersfan: Seattle? New England?
Mr. Begnalsfan: .....
Mr. Steelersan: Kansas City.
Mr. Bengalsfan: ...Who...dey?
Mr. Steelersfan: Ummm....We dey? Remember?...Santonio Holmes. Overtime touchdown...kept you out of the playoffs last year? But don't worry. You won't have that problem again this year...We will go ahead and clinch the division by Week 13. That will make it easier for you. You look like you could use a rest...and a hot meal.
Mr. Bengalsfan: .....
CURTAIN!
I smell a Tony! (not Ronaldi)
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8 comments:
I question the validity of your Mr. Steelersfan description. No one from Pittsburgh could accurately be described as "suave."
Also, I have to say, as Mr. Bengalsfan sang the fight song to himself I was reminded of something I saw this weekend at Phebes, a bar I frequent on Sundays with about 200 other displaced Bengal faithful.
A young woman was sitting by herself in the corner, watching the game. I was at a table with James Hook, Chrissie Zepf and Katie Woolsey. As the bengals scored the go ahead touchdown, the young woman started quietly singing the complete words to the "Who-Dey" anthem to herself.
Typically the bar breaks into song after the PAT, but this girl couldn't wait and subtly launched into the whole verse by her lonsome.
(Literally all of the words, including the part about being an offensive brute, and who was the team we as a city were most likely to cheer to victory. It's not a bad song, actually, I feel like a soccer hooligan when I sing it)
The whole thing was kind of sweet but mostly pathetic, like a Tennessee Williams play.
Note: I never said that Mr. Steelersfan was FROM Pittsburgh. As you may be aware (perhaps from the staggering number of terrible towels waving in Paul Brown Stadium when the Steelers come to visit) that Steelers Nation is just about everywhere you look.
I love thinking the beauty of a Bengals Diaspora.
Steelers are usually seen as Suave when they are viewed under glass, or was it through glass?
by the way did we just have a tony rinaldi reference....
Hey Ian,
Who have the Steelers designated as Knee-ligament assassin this game?
Me...Look out Carson! I'm comin for the other one!!!
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