Melrose Place

In case you forgot, hockey is still being played at a professional level in the United States. In fact, on New Year's Day the Friendly Confines will host the Blackhawks and Red Wings (if anyone is interested I'd be willing to explore this more).

But I was deeply troubled when I learned today that Barry Melrose was fired after 14 games as the head coach in Tampa Bay. While I suspect that it was mullet-related, I have to ask: How bad could it have been after only FOURTEEN GAMES!? They were 4-5-1 in their last 10 games. And for those who remember the first Mighty Ducks, that means you're only inches away from being 6-2-1 or 7-3-0. WTF?

As someone who now works in labor relations, I have to say this is ridiculous. What kind of message does this send about job seccurity? Granted, the role of a hockey coach is mystifying to me, but I know that Scotty Bowan was worshipped like a god. What did he do so right and Mr. Party in the Back do so wrong?

Can anyone shed some light on this?

Goodell? Good God!

So, I think now that we've spent some time in the Roger Goodell era of the NFL, it might be the time to take a look at how it's affected both our favorite team, and the league as a whole. (Dav, I don't want to hear about the 'Skins. Ian, you're excused.)

Tagliabue had gotten a pretty bad rep there at the end, and the league itself, as Bengals fans well know, had devolved into day care for millionaire man-children behaving badly. Drunken boating, smoking pot and screwing around with teenagers, establishing and running vast dog-fighting networks in the greater-Atlanta area, eating only McDonalds in the offseason (I'm looking at you, Ocho-Cinco). These are all things that all of us would love to spend our time doing, but we don't. Because it's not appropriate or even moral. I think it's safe to say we left all that behind in college, right? But not NFL superstars.

So in comes the new sheriff, and while things haven't calmed down entirely, there are certainly less reported incidents. But wait, there's bad news.

The bizarre, off-field antics have been muted somewhat, in favor of odd, totalitarian 1984-esque "the rules are the rules and I reserve the right to change the rules at any time without notice" power plays by the upper-management of the sport. Here's a Deadspin post that goes into it slightly. Everyone gets fined for everything, no one knows what's ok and whats verboten, and Hines Ward gets two fines for normal hits, but NOTHING for a career-threatening shot on Bengals rookie LB Keith Rivers. They say the hit was clean, which I think is debatable.

That isn't the only example, obviously. Justin Tuck, Adrian Wilson, and this bizarre episode that's also chronicled in the Deadspin post, wherein Andrew Whitworth and John Henderson are fined equally for an episode that pretty clearly started and ended with Henderson:



So what's the deal? Have we exchanged an ineffectual doormat of a commissioner with a mad despot who rules the league with all the stability of Kim Jong-Il? Or is this just part of the transition from lawless Mad Max wasteland NFL to an Aldous Huxley sports league?

I'm putting the question to the House. I believe that part of the NFL's appeal is its reputation as the "Wild West" among major sports (sorry, hockey), and Goodell is trying to introduce order into a situation which is always going to reject it. Do you guys think we're going to see major changes? Or is Goodell's entire tenure going to be known as the period of arbitrary fines and confused players taking their frustration out on each other?

Sub-question: Has Goodell helped or hurt the Bengals, or were they always destined to collapse like this?

What Type of Fan are You?

I was enjoying one of the perks of Election Day today by ‘voting’ for about 3 hours. So while I was on my way to pick up Johanna for lunch I passed a group of guys that at first glance looked like any other group of businessmen going to a late lunch on the dreary November day. But when I looked a little closer I noticed the guy in the middle was in a full Carolina blue Jordan brand velour jumpsuit. It was Derek Jeter.

I tried my best to keep walking and not openly gawk, but I am not sure I succeeded. He turned the corner and went into Dean and Deluca and once my feet uprooted from the pavement I scurried into Johanna’s office. After I rushed through the pleasantries I told her who I saw and even she was excited. We ran into Dean and Deluca but apparently just missed him, but the guy behind the counter was proudly showing off his autograph and the place was still buzzing. Johanna was disappointed to miss him, but excited for me and put up with me as I recounted every athlete encounter I have ever had.

Then I noticed a curious thing, the office upstairs was all against the glass window looking into the atrium, and every person walking past seemed to be lingering at the table behind us. When we got up to leave we noticed that right behind the pillar we were sitting next to was Jeter himself. Johanna and I walked past him about 3 different times, and watched countless people ask him for an autograph and a picture.

We were satisfied with the sighting, and I am of the belief that unless you are a politician, Hollywood star, or my own personal favorite athlete then I am leaving you alone. I may look and ogle, but I will leave you alone. But not everyone is of this same mind, Mike Hanley is probably the exact opposite. So this raises 2 questions for me:

1: What do you normally do when you see someone famous?
I am “the cool guy/the wuss”. Look at my follow up post to see more on this

2: Who would you approach no matter what?
I say any significant politician (they want to shake hands anyway right), an uberfamous person (Ali, Pitt, Clooney, etc.) or any of my childhood heroes (I would turn into a blubbering mess for Flipper Anderson)

What type of fan are you?

I don't care...I gotta know.

Okay boys,

It's time. I gotta know what you're doing on Tuesday. Did you vote early? Are you planning on standing in line? Mikey, are you also registered under Miguel Hankley? Does Ginny know something the rest of us don't!!??

By my calculations, the Norwood House has pretty substantial pull in this election.

You've got Mikey, Phil, and me (voting absentee...thank you very much transient lifestyle) voting in Ohio. That's 20 electoral votes in a state that is still classified as a toss up in some polls.

Flip's vote in North Carolina could decide 15 electoral votes. Also a toss up state.

And Dave's vote could tip the scale in Virginia (which I think will be much closer than the 6.5 spread Real Clear Politics shows today)and it's 13 electoral votes.

Sorry Matt and Martin, your votes are worthless, unless Obama reveals that he's actually the estraned son of Dick Cheney and Ann Coulter...and even then...

That means that 47 Electoral Votes could swing one way or the other thanks to us!

Which also means we could effectively cancel out any single state (except California) and many other combinations of smaller states (e.g. GA-15, MO-11, ND-3, ID-4, WA-11, and-MT 3).

You don't have to include who you voted for unless you want to, but I'm just curious how this momentus event is impacting my closest frieds.

What is the atmosphere in your neck of the woods? Are you being swamped with commercials? Do you check the polls everyday?

I can tell you that I've never seen so many people with one mindset as I'm seeing up here in Chicagobamaland (or Barack-acago if you prefer). My office is about a five minute walk from where he (and an expected 1,000,000 supporters- seriously) will be on Tuesday night. We only get about one commercial every other day up here. LOTS of Obama wear all over the place. In fact, I've only seen one McCain yard sign, and that was about 25 miles north of downtown in the Indian Hill on steroids neighborhood of Glencoe.

No matter what happens, this has been FASCINATING! What are you seeing?

Week 3: Phil's LPLOTW

Short and sweet this week:

5 games I like (but that I refuse to give lock status):

Friday- Boise State (-7) SAN JOSE STATE (much like the Duke corollary last week, I want to make San Jose St. prove they aren't your older brother's San Jose St.)

OHIO STATE (+2) Penn State (Ohio Stadium creates an exceptional atmosphere at night. Give me the much-talented home team and the points)

KANSAS (-1) Texas Tech (I like Tech in this game, but that's what Vegas wants. Therefore, I'm taking Rock Chalk. Sucker line? Check. Texas Tech looking ahead? Check. Road Game? Check.)

Cincinnati (-2.5) UCONN (I hate UC, but BK can coach. With Pike back, this looks like a nice UC win.)

MIAMI U (-5.5) Kent St. (This line is incredible. It opened at 8 and has moved 2.5 points already. It may settle around 4.5. by kick. Maybe a little (lot) heart pick, but Miami looked rejuvenated behind RFR QB Clay Belton last week. Look for special teams and the run game to lift Miami to a nice TD+ win in front of the Landes family on Homecoming.)

Now to the main event. This week's lock takes us to beautiful Toledo, OH for a MAC West battle.

Central Michigan (-4.5) TOLEDO

Toledo grabbed headlines a couple weeks ago with a huge win in the Big House. What the world hasn't seen is the rest of Toledo's year. Included is a drubbing at No. Illinois, a beatdown to Ball St. and an egg laid at home to Florida International. A very anemic offense will need to keep pace with a CMU attack that features MAC BMOC Dan LeFevour. I see CMU hanging at least 31 without Toledo having enough answers down the stretch. A spirited effort from the Rockets ultimately falls short to one of the finer MAC squads.

Predicted Score:

CMU 35 Toledo 27

Phil's LPLOTW to date:

2-0

Week 2: Phil's LPLOTW

Sorry for the late entry this week, but I've had to spend some extra time going over the lines. As most people know, sometimes there are games that jump off the page. Unfortunately, this was not one of those weeks. Rest easy degenerates, I've still found a game I really like. Before I mention that, I want to highlight some runners-up (some call this hedging my bets, I call it making you more money).

Games I like:

Miami U at BOWLING GREEN: Under 51 - MIA. Miami's abbreviation on television and also an apt description of the RedHawks offense this year.
U Miami -3 DUKE - This is one of those games where you make Duke prove they aren't Duke anymore.
BUFFALO -11.5 Army - The Bulls are pretty good and Army is pretty dreadful.
Pittsburgh (-9.5) CINCINNATI - This feels like a sucker bet, but there's no way I could rationalize betting on a Ryan Fitzpatrick led team against Pitt
Minnesota (+3) CHICAGO -This feels like an AP day and Chicago is coming off a demoralizing loss


Enough with the undercards already. This week's lock takes us to beautiful East Lansing, MI.

Ohio St. (-3) MICHIGAN ST

The Spartans get the proud honor of switching sides in my lock of the week. Rest assured, MSU will be amped, the home crowd will be electric, and this game will be a slug fest. However, the better defense, the better run game, and the better coaching staff reside on the Buckeye sidelines. In an old fashioned (and somewhat antiquated) Big 10 battle of 3 yards and a cloud of dust, I like OSU's combo of Pryor and Wells to make enough plays to get past the human bowling ball (Javon Ringer). Let us not forget in the wake of OSU's humiliation in LA-LA land just how much talent the Buck Nuts have. This is a team that is dominant in conference, has two true difference makers on offense, a solid coach (in Big 10 games at least) and a defense littered with first day draft picks. While my heart is always anti-Buckeye, my head is very pro-Buckeye this weekend.

Predicted Score:

Ohio State 28 Michigan St. 17

Phil's LPLOTW to date:

1-0

True. Good point...

Found this at the bottom of Bill Simmon's mail bag:

Q: Shouldn't Elizabeth Perkins have faced statutory rape charges in "Big"?
-- Chuck D., Clifton Park, N.Y.

SG: Absolutely. The rules are explicit here -- if you have consensual sexual relations with anyone not legally old enough to consent to such behavior, it's statutory rape regardless of whether they turned themselves into an adult by making a wish to a Zoltar machine. Perkins' character worked with Josh Baskin (the Tom Hanks character) in New York City when the age of consent was 15 years old. Well, Baskin was only 13 at the time. So there you go.